How are you?

When it comes to answering the question "How are you?" when we use a default answer like "fine" or "good" it is we are avoiding connection and/or potential confrontation.

 I know at least for me, there used to be a little voice in the back of my mind that said, "They don't REALLY care how I am. She was just being nice. It's her job at the store to ask those questions."
 
 Sometimes that was true. I could sense that the person didn't care. But that doesn't change the fact that a part of me was afraid to engage the other person. What did it matter? We'd only talk for 10 seconds anyway. Why bother being open and vulnerable?
It wasn't until a few years ago that I decided to make my best conscious effort to answer "How are you?" honestly. Some days that means I'm wonderful, delighted, having a great day, or simply feeling well.

 Other days, I answer more somberly. For example, I'll tell people that I am "Tired,"  "Sad," "Very upset" or "I'm having a really difficult day/week/month/holiday season." Sometimes people don't know how to respond to that.

Answering "How are you?" candidly is out of the norm. Unexpected. Vulnerable. All the things that people usually try to avoid (consciously or subconsciously).

 The thing is, when we answer unconsciously with socially expected and accepted responses, we become robbers.

We rob the other person of the opportunity to engage with the world in a more alive way. We rob ourselves of that same opportunity. We also rob ourselves of living presently, consciously, and authentically.

 We rob ourselves and others of the opportunity to make new friends, new connections, share our experiences and insights, and most importantly - share our our humanity.

It is risky to be vulnerable.

 Part of us fears rejection. Part of us worries about what the other person will think if we were REALLY candid about how we are.

 Those are normal aspects of our social survival instincts. It's the pack mentality that says "If I don't conform to what I think others expect of me, I might not get what I want. I might be rejected. I might not survive."

It doesn't just happen in supermarkets and stores though. This is most readily seen in social functions with family, friends, coworkers. It happens in almost every walk of life where "How are you?" is a frequent question.

 In those contexts most people rarely answer honestly. "Good" and "great" become coverups for the real inner thoughts like "My life is in total shambles and I'm grateful just to be out of the house. Would you please pour me a glass of that wine?"

Being open and candid is not easy. Few of us were given working examples, the tools, and the support to be vulnerable, authentic, and candid.

 Fortunately, every day we have an opportunity to change that in a safe way.

 Where and how?

The supermarket :)

Next time somebody asks you "How are you?" pause for a brief moment and answer honestly.

 See how the moment unfolds. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but I guarantee you this: Do it enough times, and you will experience ever increasing degrees of inner freedom and peace.
 
 Why?

Because you're no longer silencing the true essential nature of yourself that WANTS to be authentic and connect with others...

 Even if it be for just a brief moment.

Your Partner In Connecting Authentically,
 Chris Cade

P.S. After you answer, remember to ask the other person how he or she is. Ask honestly and listen to the response.

 You'll be amazed how many people are willing to also be candid, open up, and connect when you give them a live working example to follow and a compassionate smile to support them.

"But" or "And"?

"Our words are very powerful. The words we use are reflective of our unconscious choices (whether we like them or not).

 So when we use the word "but" we are actually *limiting* our opportunities to succeed and be happy in life.

 "I love him, but hate it when he leaves the toilet seat up."

 "I love my job, but I wish I had more money."

 The examples can go on forever. Unconsciously, the word "but" creates a separation between the two things we're talking about. This separation, this split, ultimately causes us some psychological stress internally (often unconscious).

 In the examples above, it can show up as a frustration with the man, the toilet seat, the job, the money... or even all of them! It can lead us to unconsciously self-sabotage our efforts at success and happiness. Maybe not in huge ways, but at least in little ways.

 We may not not even understand why we feel frustrated or "slightly agitated." This is the nature of feeling separate from things. It causes disharmony. Un-peace. Discontent.

 That's why whenever possible, I use the word "and" to bridge things. For example:

 "I love him AND look forward to connecting with him in ways that he understands why placing the toilet seat down is important to me."

 "I love my job AND am making empowering choices to create more financial abundance in my life."

 You'll notice I didn't just change the word "but" to "and" either. Simply using the word "and" literally orients my brain towards POSSIBILITY. Towards OPPORTUNITY.

 Everything that follows "and" in those sentences orients towards positive empowered thinking.

 "But" is a word that, by its very nature, is limiting. "But" actually orients our brains towards scarcity, limitation, and even fear.

 "And" by its very nature is expanding and inclusive.

 From now on, whenever you find yourself about to use the word "but" pause for a moment and ask yourself a simple question:

"What other words express my sentiments more positively?"

 Chances are, you'll be able to find an "and" in there somewhere."

 Chris Cade

Are you important for yourself? (Chris Cade )

Always putting other people first is a sure-fire way to make sure that our dreams go unfulfilled

"Let" is implying that I'm requesting permission to take care of myself. And that's false because I already know I'm going to take care of myself first unless the Present Moment presents an extenuating and immediate reason for me to make a new choice.

For example....
"Ready to talk?"
"Yes. Let me use the restroom first."

The point is simply this:

Use words that consciously convey the exact meaning of the moment. The truth that is here and now. Not the past. Not the future. Only this moment.
 
"I am important to me, and I choose to take care of myself. And I expect you and others to treat me with the same sense of respect and care that I honor myself with."
Choose your words wisely because they are the physical manifestation of your thoughts and beliefs.

Your Partner In Letting "Let" Go,
Chris Cade

To get what you want, stop idealizing it! (Chris Cade)

A while back I posted on Facebook the following thought of mine:

"If you want to manifest your heart's desires, stop idealizing them. The more you idealize anything, the more you separate yourself from it."

After posting that, I got a LOT of comments from people who wanted me to clarify what I meant. Some people were confused... after all, "how can we get what we want if we don't idealize it?" some people wondered.

And my good friend Jody wrote, "I can't help but idealize enlightenment ;-)"

I wrote myself a note that when the time was right, I'd finally speak further on the topic... and that time has come. Let's start with a few definitions of the word "idealize..."

"Exalted to an ideal perfection or excellence"
"A portrayal of something as ideal"
"To regard something as ideal"
"Something that exists only as an idea"

When I read those definitions, a few things really stand out to me. The first three definitions point to an image of perfection... they suggest that there is always "something better" we can aspire to. That idea can be both helpful and hurtful in our path of personal development.

It can be helpful when we use it as a POINTER to look inwards at why we feel something is misaligned... it can help us inquire within ourselves about how we are not integrated with the True nature of who we are.

However, it can also be VERY detrimental to your development. The negative element of that is the Inner Critic who suggests "the grass is always greener on the other side," and if you've ever actually gone over the metaphorical fence, you've probably discovered that isn't always true.

When we continue to believe there's always something better than what we have, we get stuck in a LACK mentality.

Think about that for a moment.

We're not usually consciously aware of this, but it's very simple. The sheer premise that what you have is not good enough is LACK. And if you've been studying the Law of Attraction, then you'll quickly put it together that associating with a sense of lack is the quickest way to AVOID getting what you want and staying stuck where you are.
So at the very least, by idealizing what you want (whether it's financial abundance, the perfect relationship, the big house, or even enlightenment), what you're really doing is moving into LACK and separating yourself from the very thing you want.

Now let's look at the last definition, which I find particularly interesting...

"Something that exists only as an idea."

Taking this one step further, that means that whatever we idealize DOES NOT EXIST except in our minds... except as an idea. Since YOU exist and the idea does not exist, you are by definition separating yourself from the very thing you want!

The process of idealization forces us to live either in the past or future... not in our present. And again if there's one thing we've learned from the Law of Attraction, it's that being PRESENT and in a positive emotional and spiritual state is how we attract what we want in our lives.
Therefore, it stands to reason that if we WANT something, the best way we can get it is to not idealize it. Rather than see your idealized goal as something you don't have (i.e. as separate from you), it's important to let go of the idealization.

It's important to let go of what the goal "means" to you... To let go of how this "one thing will change your life forever..." and to let go of the belief that all your dreams will come true "some day."

So how do you do this?

1. Next time you find yourself wishing for something better, remember to change your focus. Instead of focusing on what you don't have (what you are idealizing), instead tune into your heart and focus on what you have that you are grateful for.
2. Remember that whatever you idealize is an IDEA that does not yet exist.

Instead, focus on BECOMING in alignment with things that do exist... with what is REAL in your life. #1 points to this, and you can do it by practicing being present.

All that exists, quite literally, is in the present moment. That's the space in which you manifest all that you want... because it's no longer your mind projecting into the future its "ideal" wants, but rather, in the present moment your heart and soul will speak to you and tell you what IT truly wants to be happy.

(and the heart and mind are not always in agreement)

3. I highly recommend some form of meditation.

And while some meditations are more effective for specific purposes than other meditations, generally speaking as long as you're devoting some time each day to meditation you will manifest MUCH FASTER AND MORE EFFECTIVELY than if you are not meditating.

4. Practice some sort of physical movement each day.

Physical movement - whether it's exercise, Tai Chi or Yoga, or simply playing with kids - will bring you into the present moment and immediately raise your energetic vibration. It pulls you out of the "lack" mentality of idealizing your wants and desires, and instead brings you instantly into what is true in the moment.
See, what most people don't realize is that our bodies know MUCH more about manifesting than our minds do.

This is partly due to the fact that the heart is such a powerful magnetic force... in fact, according to the Institute of Heartmath, the heart literally is 5000 times more electromagnetic than the brain.

And modern science is just now beginning to explore what sages have known for centuries: That the heart has its own intelligence center capable of providing us important information and making purposeful and effective decisions.

The other reason our bodies are important for manifestation is because they ARE the vehicle by which we manifest. Without a body, we couldn't manifest here as humans on earth. Sounds kind of silly when you think of it that way, but really - if you don't take care of this body, if you don't LIVE in it and use it... how can you expect it to manifest amazing things in your life?

So to get what you want, stop making it sound so super amazing - like it'll solve your problems and make things better. What you want is here and now, just waiting to be discovered within yourself.

YOU already are the gift you've been wanting to receive all your life.
If you haven't already, consider joining my 24-week subconscious transformational program, Liberate Your Life, so you can experience this truth for yourself:

Click Here Now And Join Liberate Your Life

Your Partner In Transformation,
Chris Cade

Previous Lesson Archive Online
Lesson 1: Charlie Brown Must Die (So You Can Live)
Lesson 2: Manufacturing Unproductive Human Beings
Lesson 3: Food, Sex, and Facebook
Lesson 4: Don't Blame Fred Flintstone
Lesson 5: Think Back To 100 BF (Before Facebook)
Lesson 6: Do You Get Bored Easily?